I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
