it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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