U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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