Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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