Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
