btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
