Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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