i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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