my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
