you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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