At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
