if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
