man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
