She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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