Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
