somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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