I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
