Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
