I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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