I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
