thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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