I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
