i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize