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• (513): View more from Ohio

  i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.

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