i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
