Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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