YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
