just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
