I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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