My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
