u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
