HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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