No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
