I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
