You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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