My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
