You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
