She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
