Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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