would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
