I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
