dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
