Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
