I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
whose parrot is this?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All I want is dick and wine.
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