did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
