I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
