and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
