Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
