please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
