Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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