I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
