You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
