Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
