sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She bit a glass in half.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
