What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
