He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
