Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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