I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize