why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
