Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
