My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
