Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize