smell my finger.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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