You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
