Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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