Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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