my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Shame is for Republicans.
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