So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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