What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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