can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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