you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
