i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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