??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
id be glad to
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Quick, to the slutcave!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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