question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
