Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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