Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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