never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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